Once Upon a Stupid
by Hana Okita
Summary: "A stupid girl stupidly fell into a stupid book in a stupid library because she stupidly was chasing a stupid cat who stupidly isn't what she stupidly seems. NOW SHE IS IN GUMMY LAND!" For Children of Light.


_I KNOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE 'Once Upon A' STORY, BUT IT'S SO LONG THAT IT WOULD HAVE AT LEAST 20 PARTS AND THAT'S SO TROUBLESOME SO THIS … STORY IS BORN! WHATEVER!_

_For Children of Light, main character Gumi. The plot is based on 'Doorway', a story I deleted in order to create this one. If anyone even reads it. Whatever._

**Once Upon a Stupid, Based on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. **

Gumi glared at her school grounds. _School sucks. _But you can't stay at home like you want to, especially if you had a father who likes to eat bacon like a total weirdo and a mother who watches weirdo TV shows …

Anyways. So Gumi was glaring down at her school from the window of her class. She was the only one there because her father shook her up and rushed to school, as he wanted to eat bacon. And here Gumi was, sitting on her seat in her deserted class in the empty school in the uninhabited grounds. Oh wait; a Gumi inhabits it. Whatever.

Gumi sighed and stood up, pushing her chair backwards and causing a loud scraping noise. She paced backwards and forwards in her classroom. She's not scared at all. She's just wondering how she got in. Heck, even the guard isn't here yet. Oh yeah. Gumi had to pick the lock with her super-affective Gumi hairpin. Stupid daddy, leaving his pitiful daughter alone in a totally deserted school. WHO GOES TO SCHOOL AT FIVE O' CLOCK IN THE MORNING? Luckily, Gumi slept at six o' clock in the evening so she's not tired at all.

Gumi stared at her desk. _Hmm, screw that. I'm starting to feel tired. It's five in the morning – oh wait, five fifty nine. Whatever. Classes start at eight. I have two hours to sleep. I don't care. _So Gumi walked to her desk and sat down on her chair. Resting her head on her arms, Gumi drifted off to Dream Land, or wherever you go when you're sleeping.

* * *

"…mi!"

"…ii!"

"…umi!"

"GUMI MEGPOID WAKE UP NOW!"

Gumi snapped awake, her eyes sleepy like as she looked around her classroom. Oh, the sun has rose. Her class was full, too. Iroha was glaring at her, her cheeks puffed out in anger.

"What time is it?" Before Iroha could answer, Gumi yawned and peered at her watch. Seven fifty. Oh, good. She blinked groggily at her pink-haired friend. "Hi, Iroha. I was here at five and I was very tired. So I slept." Seeing Iroha open her mouth, Gumi added, "Please don't scold me."

Iroha sighed, and grinned. "I wasn't going to scold you. I was going to say that you have drool under your mouth, sleepy best friend." Gumi looked at it and wiped it off absently.

"Yeah, whatever. I don't care."

"The teacher is here!" Iroha sang, and bounced to her place. Gumi sighed and rubbed her eyes. _School _really _sucks._

* * *

Gumi sighed in happiness as the teacher stepped out from the classroom.

"AT LAST!" She exclaimed. "SCHOOL HAS ENDED! I AM FREE NOW! BUT I HAVE TO GO BACK TO MY DOOFUS BACON LOVING FATHER! SO MAYBE I'M NOT HAPPY ALREADY!" Gumi exhaled loudly, slumping in her seat. "School sucks."

"How many times are you going to say that?" Iroha asked, blinking down at her. Gumi groaned and shifted, setting her head on her arms.

"School _really _sucks, Iroha dear." She said lazily, waving the girl off.

"Usually I'll lecture you," Iroha huffed, "But I have important club activities, so I have to go." She looked at Gumi. "Take care of yourself?"

"I'm freaking fourteen, mother Iroha!" Gumi groaned. "I can take care of myself! I'm not like my dummy bacon lover of a father! And I'm not like my mother who watches weird cooking shows! I'm just a carrot-lover! It's healthy and delicious, it's also …"

"Don't call me that," Iroha snapped. "And we're not here to talk about carrots. Anyways, like I said, take good care of yourself, don't walk in stupid dark alleys, don't talk to idiot strangers, don't go off with dumb strangers, and stay alive until tomorrow. Got that?" Iroha tapped her finger on the tip of Gumi's nose.

Gumi slapped it away. "What do you mean, _stay alive until tomorrow_?"

Iroha shrugged. "Once you tried playing with knives and almost chopped your head off. The other time you ate antidepressants for some reason and almost died, heck luckily your brother called the paramedics! And then another time you ate a cake made out of wax you stolen from the store and won't choke it out, and once you tried to swallow a whole fish ball without chewing it!"

Gumi made a face. "You remember?"

Iroha nodded. "And there's more –"

Gumi slapped her hand in Iroha's face. "Don't. Say. Anymore. It embarrasses me. I'm hurt and sad now, you see?" Gumi showed Iroha her watery, big pitiful eyes.

Iroha rolled her eyes. "If I were some stranger, I would fall for that. But I am not, so I won't. Anyways, Gumi, don't do anything, go straight home, and stay alive!" Iroha said as she grabbed her bag. Gumi was lucky that all of her classmates had gone home already; she didn't need further embarrassment.

"No way hay day! I'm not that silly, Iroha! I have brains! I have perfect marks throughout the year!" Gumi brandished her test papers with an angry face. "Gumi is clever! She was just curious about all of those things so she tried it out! She thought the pills were candy!"

"Gumi, I know you're really clever," Iroha said exasperatedly, "But you're a clever idiot! Which candy you seen was white?"

"Mentos!"

Iroha sighed, _probably in defeat, _Gumi almost grinned at her thought. But she didn't. "Gumi, club activities are starting in ten minutes, got to go. Love you, call me!" With that, Iroha sprinted out from the room.

Gumi made a face. "_Love you_? Since when did we go on 'I love you as a friend' terms?"

"_Iroha, I love you!" Five-year-old Gumi cheered, hugging her friend._

"_I love you too!"_

Gumi made another face. "Okay maybe we did." She shrugged and went out from the classroom because she packed her bag a long time ago.

When she passed the library, a hand reached out and pulled the young girl in.

"KIDNAP!" Gumi screeched. "I'M SO SORRY, IROHA! I GUESS I COULDN'T STAY ALIVE UNTIL TOMORROW! I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU! AS A FRIEND!"

The 'kidnapper' sighed and shook their head. Gumi looked up and saw her teacher.

_Oh crap, _she thought. Gumi quickly pulled herself away, straightened her skirt, and bowed lowly.

"OHMIGOSH_SENSEI_I'MTRULYSORRYYOUSEEJUSTNOWMYBESTFRIENDWELLTHAT'SIROHAFORYOUWASLECTURINGMEABOUTHOWISHOULDTAKECAREOFMYSELFANDSTAYALIVEUNTILTOMORROWANDYOUSEEIGUESSITGOTMYBRAINSANDIPROBABLYGOTVERYPARANOIDWAITIWASPARANOIDFROMALONGTIMEAGOI'MSOSORRY_SENSEI_ISTHISTHELIBRARYOHWAITITISI'MSOSORRYFORSHOUTINGPLEASEFORGIVEME!" Gumi ended her fast speech with continuous, curt, bows.

* * *

**HANA TAKE OVER TIME! *Readers throw bottles at me* *****I dodge them bottles*******

**What darling Gumi said: Oh mi gosh **_**sensei **_****teacher** I'm truly sorry you see just now my best friend well that's Iroha for you was lecturing me about how I should take care of myself and stay alive until tomorrow and you see I guess it got my brains and I probably got very paranoid wait I was paranoid from a long time ago I'm so sorry **_**sensei **_****teacher** is this the library oh wait it is I'm so sorry for shouting please forgive me!**

**ONTO THE STORY! *Jumps onto tank* *points a finger forward* *tanks trudges along the street (?) slowly***

* * *

The teacher looked at Gumi, surprised. "I didn't hear what you said, Gumi _san_ (Japanese way for … addressing someone politely, something like Miss or Mister or something like that I don't know go ask your daddy or mummy) … I didn't hear a word at all …"

Gumi blinked at the teacher, like O3O. "You want me to repeat my super-duper-uber long apology?"

The teacher whose name is Luke (originally Luko but Luke sounded cool), by the way, typing _the teacher _is so freaking troublesome, shook his hand and said, "There's no need for that, Gumi _san_." He gestured to a teacher bouncing on the balls of her feet impatiently. "We need help in the library."

Gumi shrugged. She so very much wanted to go on a magical adventure back home and watch SpongeBob Squarepants, but if she said 'no' to a teacher with such a stupid (not so stupid to Gumi's ears) reason she would probably get suspended. Probably.

"Yes, _sensei_ (teacher)." Gumi bowed. "Please tell me where to go, and Gumi will be on her way." Luke pointed to the teacher with a thumb and Gumi trotted to her.

"Hi – err, I mean, _good morning_, _sensei_." Gumi greeted the woman – Muka (why do I keep playing with Luka's name?) – with a bow. "Err … Mr. Luke over there asked me to … _help_."

Muka raised her eyebrows. And then she let out a guinea pig squeal and hugged Gumi. "Oh, that man! I'm going to thank him later! You're a godsend, my dear, dear …" Muka paused to look at Gumi's nametag, "Gumi!"

Gumi made choking noises as she gasped for breath. "Suffocating … No air … Oxygen … Eurgh … Haaa-" Muka immediately let go and pointed to a stack of books.

"Gumi, I want you to tidy up bookrack 8. And … if you have any troubles or whatsoever, you can go to Luka over there." Muka pointed to a pink-haired student. "Okay?"

Gumi nodded, bowed, and trotted to the student. She tapped Luka on the shoulder. "Hey, Luka! Luka~! Luuuuuka!"

Luka whipped her head backwards to look at the speaker, her annoyed face turning into a smile as she saw Gumi. "Hi, Gumi! Here to help out, I suppose?" Gumi nodded. "Good. Which bookrack did Ms. Muka ask you to tidy?"

"Eight."

Luka nodded, and pointed to a bookrack. "That one is the easiest; you just have to tidy it according to the title, category and whatnot. It's just a tad heavy, but you can ask any boy librarian to help out. Any problems, come to me okay?"

Gumi nodded obediently and trotted once more to the bookrack.

_This sucks … Dad isn't going to record SpongeBob Squarepants for me. He's just going to find a channel teaching you how to cook bacon. Mom isn't help, anyway. She's just going to watch one of her favorite weird TV shows. They won't even let me use the computer! Humph, I've finished my homework at lunch, you can't say anything anymore, daddy and mummy! I'll do the grocery on the way home and water the plants with the sprinkler dad and mum kept outside. Mum probably did all of the other housework, so I'm safe. My plan is so flawless! Let's see what dad and mum can say now!_

Gumi cackled evilly but softly at her 'evil' plan. Soon she reached a bookrack labeled '8' and stopped walking, staring at piles and piles of encyclopedias. Gumi groaned.

"Gosh, that looks _heavy_." She mumbled, testing one of the book's weights by lifting it up a little. "Yep," She confirmed, "It _is _heavy." Gumi rolled up her imaginary sleeves. "Let's do this thing!"

* * *

Gumi slumped down on the floor. She sighed; her cheeks flushed red from all of those carrying. Gumi is not very strong because she eats only carrots the whole time, mind you. So anyways, Gumi looked at the towering bookrack, and at the piles of books, and at her watch.

"I want to sleep," Gumi wailed softly, patting her cheeks, "I'm _so _tired." So Gumi continued to sit there, drowning in the cold air-conditioner's breath, the quietness of the library, and the soft whispers of people. As Gumi's eyelids start to droop and she slowly drifted off to slumber land (or something), Gumi suddenly slapped herself.

"I saw a cat tail!" She exclaimed, scrambling up. "It was pink, too!" Then Gumi chased after the cat's tail, and found a pinkette seated on a shelf.

"What the –" Gumi paused to gawk at the girl. "Iroha! What … what in the bacon are you doing here?!"

The cat-girl licked her hand, her tail swishing here and there behind her.

Gumi let out a grunt of annoyance. "I don't think you're Iroha." She mumbled, sizing the girl up. "Maybe you –" The cat-girl leaped off the shelf and pranced away. Gumi gaped after it. Then she came to her senses and ran after it.

_Hmm … what the crap is a cat doing here?! I think I'm breaking the rules here, running in the library. But I'm chasing after a cat … girl! I think that's okay. I hope the teachers won't scold me._

Gumi was so absorbed in her thoughts she had to pull herself back in order to stop, and her feet let out a loud, screeching noise beneath her. The Iroha lookalike was licking her hand again, her other hand rested on a large book.

Gumi wrinkled her nose. "You like to lick your hand a lot," she remarked, "What are you doing to the book?"

The pinkette didn't answer Gumi, instead jumping into the book. Gumi frowned as the cat's tail disappeared in the book.

"Is she hinting for me to jump into the book?" Gumi shrugged and placed a foot gingerly onto the book. And then it sucked her in.

"_HOLY GINGER!" _She screamed, as she felt her heart gave a huge lurch and Gumi felt like she was about to vomit. She felt like she was on one of the crazy rollercoasters her crazy parents brought her to.

And then Gumi landed on the floor with a horrible thud.

"A stupid girl stupidly fell into a stupid book in a stupid library because she stupidly was chasing a stupid cat who stupidly isn't what she stupidly seems. NOW SHE IS IN GUMMY LAND!" A voice that appeared from nowhere summed up.

Gumi frowned. "Gummy land?"

_AAAAANNND THE LAST SENTENCE THERE PROBABLY SUMMED EVERYTHING UP. I MEAN, THE LAST LAST SENTENCE. You get what I mean, geniuses. _

**REVIEWS, PLEASE. THANK YOU. ONE CLICK AWAY AND A FEW WORDS, COME ON, IT'S NOT HARD.**

-Hana


End file.
